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Jun. 13th, 2011
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Jun. 13th, 2011 04:44 pmI've been rewatching Ugly Betty, and one thing I noticed especially this time around was how Mark, the main gay character, takes Betty's nephew Justin (who shows interest in lots of stereotypically gay things) under his wing whenever they end up in the same place.
I mean, everyone important in Justin's life supports him when people try to imply he should find different interests, but it's a different dynamic when it's somebody who's been there. And I think that's one of the differences between growing up queer and growing up straight (or even growing up most other kinds of minorities): it's likely that the most important adults in your life won't be (openly) queer. I could talk with my mom about the annoyances growing up smart and female, but I didn't have anybody who wasn't straight, so it was harder to work through the stuff I ran into (like how and when I should correct people who assumed I was straight, how to deal with homophobic comments in situations where it might not be safe to out myself, how to find other queer people...) And unfortunately the more likely someone is to need a mentor to get through situations like that, the less likely it is that a kid will feel free to seek such a person out.
That's one reason I think things like the It Gets Better Project are important. The idea that there's a road map somewhere, even if you don't have a metaphorical car right now, can be really helpful. It's obviously not a complete solution, and we should also focus on making things better right now, not just in the future...but as a connection to the community now, as the beginnings of building a narrative around your life, public records of adult queer lives make a difference.
I mean, everyone important in Justin's life supports him when people try to imply he should find different interests, but it's a different dynamic when it's somebody who's been there. And I think that's one of the differences between growing up queer and growing up straight (or even growing up most other kinds of minorities): it's likely that the most important adults in your life won't be (openly) queer. I could talk with my mom about the annoyances growing up smart and female, but I didn't have anybody who wasn't straight, so it was harder to work through the stuff I ran into (like how and when I should correct people who assumed I was straight, how to deal with homophobic comments in situations where it might not be safe to out myself, how to find other queer people...) And unfortunately the more likely someone is to need a mentor to get through situations like that, the less likely it is that a kid will feel free to seek such a person out.
That's one reason I think things like the It Gets Better Project are important. The idea that there's a road map somewhere, even if you don't have a metaphorical car right now, can be really helpful. It's obviously not a complete solution, and we should also focus on making things better right now, not just in the future...but as a connection to the community now, as the beginnings of building a narrative around your life, public records of adult queer lives make a difference.